Letting Go of Someone You Love
Letting go has been a problem, common among all ages, from all walks of life, may it be letting go of a love, a job, a thing or whatever that you are so attached to. Sometimes people think that it can be done with one night’s sleep, and immediately the feeling of attachment will be gone and eventually you will let go. No matter who we are in life, or what position we hold, it will come to a point that we will have to learn to let go, let go of something important to us.
There is no device or a quick-fix method to make this feeling go away instantly, to drive away months or years of attachment. Some people even take a lot of time to let something go and move on with their lives. Worst some fail to let go and never move on with their life.
The hardest thing to let go is someone you have loved so much, someone you have shared much of your life and you always thought he or she would be forever there. Once you build this attachment, it is like a habit to you, how your day will be is dependent on how your relationship is going to be with that other person for that day. It is an investment to put your heart completely to another person that when it fails, we go into emptiness.
When I lost the one I love
I never thought of letting go or moving on as an option for my failed relationship. I thought my relationship was never going to end, a fairytale come true. It felt like everything was going the way we wanted. We even planned our future together, believing that we were meant to be in that relationship. The sweet promises of forever, an everlasting love, we had it all. We spent almost two years together, everything was going well until one day she wanted a different life, a life that I am not part of.
Minutes were like hours, days were like months, and months were like years. The cycle was too tiring; I kept on crying, wishing and regretting. It was like I will never move on. It was just too hard, because I had built a world around this person. How can I just move on when I was still in love with her…? I just can’t move.
Why it was hard for me to let go
I fought a painful reality because I could not see myself being with another person, or her with another person. It was just hard to accept but it was inevitable. I tried pursuing her, tried all methods of persuasion, and prayed hard. I did everything that I could do, but she was never coming back. It left me so broken; I felt that I was trapped in the pain of defeat.
No matter how we enrich ourselves, we always feel that we are at a loss, thoughts of that person hang into our mind, dragging us into an abyss full of pain, regret and sometimes self-pity. We become so helpless, we just can’t let go of the fact that he/she is gone, we still want to hold on so much, but we find ourselves alone.
I am not a stranger to pain and to loss, but even with my deep experience I never found an easy way to let go. We love passionately, that when we lose, we become stuck. It is normal to feel this way, the feeling of wanting to hold on to that relationship, to that person, believing so much that things could still work out, or that person will still come back to us and pick us out from the pains of loneliness and heartbreak. But later on we realize he or she is never coming back.
What it takes to let go
Let Go! We have heard this so much, but we simply can’t, we just can’t… or can we? It takes a lot of courage, time and confidence. Courage, to stand and try to live life again. Time, to patiently wait and allow it to make all the hurt go away. Confidence, to believe in ourselves and know that we can be happy again.
What inspired me to move on
It was the fear of letting life go that sparked me the courage to look forward, to try and stand up with my weary legs. I was afraid that if I was too stuck in that moment, life will pass me by and end up miserable. I will not be a spectator of life, rather I will live life.
Most of us see the hardship of letting go as an escape to face life, as an excuse to give up. The champions of our lives are those who strive to live, to move on. We tend to forget that the hardest thing to do is live, at the same time it is the very reason that gives meaning to our being.
We need to live life, we will not try, and we cannot try. “Trying” to live a life is disrespectful to life itself, we don’t try, we will live life. Living demands us to live through the hardship. We can live life through all the pains, hardships because in the end it will help define the beauty of the life we had lived.
Let go, let go and let go. Release that emotional baggage and believe in life the way it believes in you. In this respect, we should realize that people are not under our control, we don’t control how they feel. They don’t owe us anything, nor do we owe them something. We owe life to ourselves, our happiness to our being. If we try to accept that we can’t control other people but only ourselves, maybe we will learn to let go, slowly, sincerely. We all are given the right to live, so exercise that right, get out and celebrate the beauty that is life.
Let go, let God
Life will always be meaningful, no matter how depressing life maybe. Letting go is just one of those struggles that we have to face. Be moved by people who have had the courage to move, to let go. If we find the pain to be too much, He is always there, just hang on a little longer. Remember that the best tip on letting go is praying to Him. No matter how harsh life is, He will always be there and will never let us go…
He will heal everything in His time. We just have to make that surrender and have that security in Him. Because in the end, the best solution is His love for us not the methods we read or the tips that we are advised to follow.
Share me your thoughts…
- What was your experience?
- How did you let go?
- What inspired you to move on?
- How is your life now?
Hi, I’m kelsey, maybe you can help me.. I am in a great loving relationship with a really great guy, we’ve been going out for almost 2 years, we are soon both moving away, from each other to go to school. We are pretty sure that breaking up is the best option. How do you let go of a relationship that isn’t really a “failing” relationship? How do you move on from loving that person, and knowing they feel the same way?
Hi Kelsey.. Sorry for the late reply. Why not opt for a long distance relationship? You can try it, it just might work out if you really believe that your relationship is great. It can be an option, but if you have weighed things and breaking up is the best choice, then it is really up to you. It will be very hard simply because you both know that you are separating for distance alone and no other issues, and the worst part is, your still in love with each other so much.
If you really choose to break up, then be responsible enough for your decisions, hang tough and try to withstand the pain no matter what, coz I honestly think that it is a thousand times harder than letting go of someone who has left because they dont feel the same way about you anymore.
Think about this a thousand times, and if you do feel that it is the right decision, then eventually everything will be okay in time.
I’m Jason and I’m going through the same thing you described above. I have been through two failed relationships that were both serious; one engagement, and one marriage. Somehow, I managed to be the catalyst for the breakdown and destruction of both relationships. It took me a few months to get over my ex-fiance, but only because I met someone new. My ex-wife, however, is a different story. I am stuck in that state of self pity, self loathing, pain, and regret. While my wife and I are only separated, our marriage has degraded to “just friends”, though I want so much more than that. The only inspiration I have is to regain control of my life and move certain points forward…but the hardest part for me, is letting go of my love for my wife. My heart still belongs to her, so I know how you felt when you were faced with the dilemma of moving on…and it isn’t easy to do. It’s been six months and it hurts just as much now, as it did the day I had to say goodbye to my wife and kids. My inspiration to move on comes from y daughter, who lives with my parents for the time being. I need to be there for her if I can’t be there for the rest of my family, and as long as I have her back in my life, I will be ok. I may never fully let go of my wife, but I will find some modicum of happiness once I have my life back on track. But in terms of my wife…I’m at a loss
It seems so much harder in your case, but it greatly helps to have those little inspirations to try and move on. No matter how strong you are emotionally things like these just smash you to the ground, there are no preparations for this kind of hurting, no matter how experienced you are with relationships… hopefully time will heal all wounds…
I can relate to everything you said. I used to be friends with this woman for three years, she was a good friend of mine. We used to talk for hours about everything and anything. We knew our likes and dislikes. I fell in love with her eventually, I lived far away from her as well, for school purposes. I drove 300 miles one day to see her, to a city I never been too, I told her I like her. I gave her sentimental items, and wrote poetry that would make almost any girl melt. After doing so she changed, she left, and did not talk to me for the rest of the time I was in her city. She wouldnt pick up my calls or my emails, eventually she said she only considered me as a friend. She said Bye to me, and not a word more. I never understood how such a good friend came to an end, because I cared for her more than just a friend. It was a painfull experience, because I did not recieve any consolation from her on why she didnt like me, she just said I only considered you as a friend and stopped short of anything else.
The first few weeks was devastating for me, I isolated myself from the world, I was hurt, and i went through the state of depression, lonliness, hopelessness, loss of apetite, and then eventually to hating her for what she did to me. I came to terms with that as well, and I dont hate her anymore, I remember the good times we had and I will remember her though those memories.
As far as coping goes, I realized talking about it really helped me, furthermore, Life was passing me by and I was losing in the game of Life, I was missing deadlines for work, responsibilites, I got out of a rut, and decided for myself, that she is a distant memory and I need to make a better future for myself, I deserve a better future.
Thanks for sharing your experience, we very much appreciate it here. I believe that you have somehow survived this experience. You are one of the lucky ones to have seen the light through what seem to be one of your darkest moments in life, most of us never go over this hump. It is definitely one of the most painful experiences that one has to go on through life, but like in everything else, there is always hope. May your story be an inspiration for those who feel hopeless, that letting go’s first step is taking control. We have control over our happiness, let us make it a choice to be happy by standing up, and letting go of the things that aren’t meant for us.
Thanks buddy,
Thanks for all the wonderful stuffs up ther.. Most of it hits me right…
Here is my story. A year and a half ago i was with a guy for almost three years. He was my first love and still to this day going on 2 yrs later im not over him. We got into some trouble and he moved from ohio to his hometown in jeresy to start our lives right and get me out of ohio. I listened to my family and friends and dated while he was in jersey. Long story short he made me very upset one day i told him that i was dating because i wasn’t sure if i wanted to leave everything behind to move out of state and it was over like that. He never talked to me again. All i ever asked from him was to give me a little more. In almost three years he never told me he loved me, he wouldn’t move in with me. As soon as we broke up he met some girl, moved in with her, and she is 21 weeks pregnant today with a boy. I think it hurt me most of all because i got pregnant when i was with him and he asked me not to have the baby because we weren’t ready financially, mentally, and emotionally. I didn’t go thru with my pregnancy and its something that i regret to this day 2 yrs later. I wish i could take it back and i never can. I hurt everyday, i still cry myself to sleep. I think about him a little less everyday but dating for me is not an option. For the awhile after we broke up i serial dated, trying to fill this void i had from louis and i come to realise i can never replace him and until im over him i can’t be with anyone. i have to stay focused on myself. All he ever wanted was for me to be independent and not as childish… something that i didnt realise i was back two yrs ago. I have changed so much i went back to college, i have my own home, a great job and i did it all by myself and i know he would be so proud of the women that i have become, but he is in jersey and im in ohio. He has moved on and im still hurting so bad. About a month ago i recieved an emial from him the first time i talked to him in over a year. he told me that he was happy to see i have changed and that he was sorry for hurting me so bad. He also told me that he was in denial but he honestly thinks about me everyday. He said that no matter who i am with or who he is with we will meet up one day and catch me. I just dont know how to deal with all of this. I cried like someone had died when i read that letter. And now im right back to hurting when i had come so far….
I would just like to take the time to tell everyone out there how does it feel to be really loved and when you love someone who is 27 years old and have a 51 year woman chase after her. Having my sweetheart in high school was the greatest thing that ever happened to me, I loved that girl so much and after my mother decided that it was not good for us to be together because she was over weight how does that make you feel? Well, let me tell you I have not been the same since and thanks to her that’s what happens.
It is just difficult to let go of someone that you have learned to love through the years, even now it has been more than a year, I am still hurting and constantly thinking of how would it have been if we are still together now. I miss her so much, I just wish everything would be the way it was years before… it is indeed true that sometimes, you wouldn’t know how much it means to you until you lose it…
I was best friends with this guy. He was funny and passionate and I helped him through all the hard parts. He broke up with his girlfriend and I helped him through that to. After about two months of his break-up we started flirting and talking affectionately. One day we came “us” and I was as happy as I’d ever been. He was the one, and he even knew it to. He said he’d never felt this way about anyone before. It thrilled me because that’s how I felt to. But we were having problems so we broke up and I was devastated, and so was he so we got back together. That happened about 5 times. Each time we kept getting back together he kept getting moodier and moodier. We talked and realized it just wasn’t going to work out anymore. He said he loved me and he always will, no matter what. And I loved him back and still do. We hardly talk anymore. It kills me each day because I was so dependent on him and I’m a very independent kind of person. He wasn’t very good to me and my friends and family tell me he was a Casanova. He WAS super moody. My life just feels so empty now, like it did before I met him but now the pain is worse because I knew that I loved him. I just… don’t know what to do.
The un-attaching will always be the hardest part, being glued to the idea that you “used to do this and that” with him is something that will not go away overnight. It will really take some time, most of the times, too much time that we start to miss out other important things in our life. My letting go of that someone that I used to love took much time from me, it took away time from other people that I usually hanged out with. It is a difficult and painful process, it is something that will always feel like the first time eventhough you have done it more than once.
Battling out with the feeling of emptiness is really hard, you have to face in everyday, there are times that you just want to stay in bed and not think of ” oh yeah, he/she is really gone.” It’s hard and will always be hard, but just believe that brighter days will soon come no matter how long the waiting may be, it will come… ü
Hi! I am still hurting. I am stll deeply in love with my first boyfriend. We are both married now. Last year we get the chance to see each other again after 15 years of not seing. We have intimate moments couple of times. I know it’s wrong but both of us still love each other.I am confused and now that I am back abroad i’m missing him. No promises ever made by him and i am jealous with his wife.I want to let go of him but i find it hard. I would still expect text or any communication fr. him and it upsets me if no text or phone calls fr. him. Why is it that 1st love never die? I told him and myself that the greatest regret in my life was breaking up with him. Why is it that I am still hoping that someday will be together again? Please help me to move on and let go of him. I’d been praying this for 15 yrs. How I wish this undying love of mine for him will be felt by me for my husband instead. Thank you and please help me.
I know it takes time to forget someone, sometimes it seems impossible. The best thing for you to do, is start accepting the fact that you had your one shot, and when you had to let go of it, you had a reason. Think of it as a love that was never meant to happen, it was never meant for you. The first part is believing that you did love the person, and the reality of things are, you are already committed to someone else, someone that you think is worthy of your love and commitment.
We all have a choice, no matter how hard it is at times, it feels that you can never let go, but as long as you believe you can, you will eventually succeed in forgetting that person.
If no matter what happens, you still love that person, you should be honest to yourself and to your husband, reflect on what are the necessary steps you need to do, let go of your marriage, or rebuild it and make it stronger?
My ex boyfriend broke up with me close to a month ago, it has been the second time in a year. The first time was a huge problem and i made a mistake. Six months we were not together but never stopped talking, I was hurting so much and missed him tremendously. We got back together after I proved my trust to him and I promised I would never lose him again. I wanted to be with him for a very long time and wanted to move to his hometown with him some day. He had a very rough last year and he was working a job he hated. He came home unhappy, he never had money and felt bad he could never do anything for me. He did not treat me too well but I figured he was stressed and I was the last thing he needed to be upset about.
I did everything I could to make him happy and things were going great and I really felt we had started over, until he had to move back to his hometown 4 hours away from me. I dreaded it everyday as it got closer but I figured after all we went through and the praying I did asking God to only bring him back to me if we were meant to be, it would work out fine, it would be hard but we would make it. He promised he would try and the only time it wouldnt work was if he couldnt handle school and work along with a long distance relationship. Three weeks after moving he broke up with me..he was being very short with me and not really wanting to talk on the phone but still telling me he loved me throughout those weeks but out of nowhere he tells me he didnt want to this for awhile.
I was devestated, I had never wanted to let him go even though he wasnt treating me too well. I had to drag out of him why he didnt want to be with me anymore and the reasons and the fact I wasnt making him happy, which I did everything in my power.I have told myself he does not deserve my tears, my love, or anything else but I still find myself missing him. I cant stop talking to him or thinking of him. I want to let him go so much and to stop caring about him completely but I just cannot. I have become depressed and things are so difficult. I have tried going out with friends and finding things to distract me but no matter what, he is always on my mind.
I know it will not happen over night, but i dont want it to take 6 months as it did before. I want so much to erase him from my mind but I cant, and it eats me up inside that he never thinks of me, doesnt care about all we went through. I have my days where I’m so angry with him and i hate him, then my days i feel I will be fine without him and then days like today where I miss him so much and it is not fair to me that I put so much effort and love and this is what i got in return. I have gone through this before but never got over him..how do I do it again when I love him even more..
just call me jam!
I was so hurt upon knowing my that my boyfriend was married. Our relationshp lasted for 3 yrs+.. he Loved & care me much as I wanted. & I nvr expected him that his hidding his status. Ive heard a lot of rumors for many times about it, but he never wanted me to talk about it coz he said those are not true. then time had finally come and i forced him to tell the truth, then he answered all those rumors that bothered me,. yes true but they now separated w/ his wife long time ago.,they are not legally divorced yet bec. his wife was in the states right now.., and upon knowing this I decided to break our relationshp. bec. it really really hurts me! coz his lying me for so Long… and was it right that I we have broke him up??.. pls help me..
I’m Married my husband is my friend the father of our kids and i love him for being that great provider but i’m in love with someone else.the problem i don’t want to be with him because hes not a good role model and he do everything i don’t like but the sad thing this is the person i’m in love with.Once he was everything i loved but then when it came time to be with him he backed out.He hurted me so many times with women and abuse and my heart still falled for him.Thats that my heart love the wrong man but i will never leave my husband but i do wants to love him like he loves me uncondicatnally. Help
tim hi just found ur page here on letting go..wow iam in it deep and when i read ur feelings iam there …the pain is and has ben tearing me apart 4 3 1/2 yrs now back and forth with what i thought was my soulmate,,, although she had other plans..and i wasnt 1 of them,,ive ben praying ive moved 1500 miles away and came back for work and her reasons, but to no avail here iam again ALONE HURTING NAKED LOST STRESSED AND MOST OF ALL STILL IN LOVE WITH HER… she chaeted i caught her i built her a home and gave everything still wasnt enuff..iam here to say im workin day in and day out praying and pushing to get to the other side,,i thank you for ur thoughts and hope for others as i will somehow get out of this forest im in naked alone and feeling like everyone is watching me living enjoying and laughing at me for being such a sucker and fool for her,,,my heart is blind moreso than i but iam pushing i hope someday in the future i can come back here and say IT ALL WORKED OUT AND IM HAPPIER THAN EVER..well see,,,thanx mick
Hi there.I have been in a ’serious’ relationship for 5years..we both med students in china..i have lived with him for the whole duration..during this time i basically practised being his wife,however commitment seemed an issue for him throughout the relationship..it has sadly ended now due the the fact that he couldnt keep his eyes of other women,and this had become very direspectful..he never saw signs of cheating a problem..i had become very attached to him inspite the emotional abuse..god has given me the strenght to uncover my blind fold and see this man for the devil he really is..however i dont have the courage to leave..im very afraid of seeng him with another women..please help as this man used me to such a point that im hooked to him..
Hi this is rachelle anne dela cruz, thank you for sharing your blog for us,the topic is Letting Go of Someone You Love. It is not accident that my mouse click you website, just because it has a purpose, right now, im experiencing the feelings of sadness, just because i expect over and over to the person i loved so much ;my first boyfriend, i was deeply in love with HIM so much, i invest so much loved with HIM, from the moment with been together up to know, i was deeply in Love with Him but time goes by i feel , that im the person who in Love with each other just because the man i love has a great responsibity to his Family, the first priority of my b.f is his family, deep inside when he said tHat i feel the feeling of sadness,. i know that he is the eldest to his family and he is the bread winner, honestly, i just wanted to end up our relationship without knowing HIm, i was felt guilty everytime to my said i need to let go of him even their is no problem with is, i just want have a space to think and reflect to my life, i know that for me its hard but if this is good f;or me, i will do…
i have a queation? i hope you could help me, it is better to continue our relationship even at times i have the feelings of loneliness without knowing Him, actually I love him but if this is the good way to feel me better. i will do that, i love Himm but io need to let go of him, in able me ‘to move on and to start again with my life together with my family.
thank you
Like I’ve said, there is really no easy way to get out of this kind of heartache, but all of us are survivors. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, or next month, nobody really knows, but all we can do is stand through the pain and believe in ourselves that somehow, someway all of these things will eventually pass by. I know the longer it gets, the harder it becomes and it is those moments that you have to stand stronger, and have faith that whatever you are going through is just part of a grander plan, a greater love and a better life, God Bless you always.
Hi JaM .. I believe that your decision was right. It was unfair of him to lead you into that relationship without you having any knowledge that he was married. Any relationship built on lies is not worth keeping at all. The basic foundation of all relationships is trust, without that, everything becomes superficial. It will hurt because you have really loved that person, but remember that it would hurt you more if you allowed that relationship to go on. It would be useless for you to build your dreams around that person, it may be true that he loved you, but you didn’t deserve to be lied to.
Hi MICK , Thank you so much for visiting our page. I do hope and pray that you will find the happiness you long for, I am also a victim of love but without it happening, I would have not been able to meet my soon to be wife. It may have been said too many times, but it is true that everything happens for a reason.
All of us are having difficulties, especially when we spent so much time with a particular person that we become very much attached to them. It is not easy, but withstanding through the trials is the way and the only way. The first thing is you have to accept that being with that person gives you more pain than happiness and be hopeful that someday he will find someone that will help him make a better person. You will find the person that is meant for you, in God’s time.
The person that can best give an answer to your question is yourself. You have to ask yourself is he making you happy at all. Is it worth all your sacrifice and pain? You have to reflect on it, and think deeply if this is the kind of relationship that you want to have. And the best thing that you can do besides evaluating your relationship is pray deeply to God to help you find the answer to all the questions of your heart. Being with someone and still feeling lonely might be a sign that he might not be enough, might not be the person that you will be happiest with… You have to think deeply before making a decision.
hi, i solely agree about what you have said. but, this situation is really nagging me. I love this boy, i never told him.. he just figured it out all by himself, and confronted me that he doesn’t feel the same. He only sees me as a friend. And he likes it,like that. I tried my best to forget him, but I just can’t. We hang out on the same place, and go in the same school. He even sends text messages on me. I’m depressed, which resulted to loss of my weight. I became skinnier and more fit. A lot of boys want to date me… but, he’s not one of those. Instead, he became even nicer, and we became much much closer. I can’t help falling for him over and over again. And he’s starting to give me “weird” gestures.. like i caught him glancing at me, and other stuffs. oh,, i really do love him., it’s like, i can wait forever. but every time I recall what he said, I feel so pathetic. please help, . what shall i do? thanks and more power.
Hi regina, it’s hard if you keep hanging on the past, what matters is what is happening now. Look at the brighter side of life, things happen for a reason. If it wasn’t meant to be before, maybe it is meant to happen now. Just be patient and let time sort out things, you don’t need to be hasty. Enjoy the moment, if it doesn’t end the way you expect it to be, maybe something better is in store for you. =)