Letting Go of Someone You Love
Letting go has been a problem, common among all ages, from all walks of life, may it be letting go of a love, a job, a thing or whatever that you are so attached to. Sometimes people think that it can be done with one night’s sleep, and immediately the feeling of attachment will be gone and eventually you will let go. No matter who we are in life, or what position we hold, it will come to a point that we will have to learn to let go, let go of something important to us.
There is no device or a quick-fix method to make this feeling go away instantly, to drive away months or years of attachment. Some people even take a lot of time to let something go and move on with their lives. Worst some fail to let go and never move on with their life.
The hardest thing to let go is someone you have loved so much, someone you have shared much of your life and you always thought he or she would be forever there. Once you build this attachment, it is like a habit to you, how your day will be is dependent on how your relationship is going to be with that other person for that day. It is an investment to put your heart completely to another person that when it fails, we go into emptiness.
When I lost the one I love
I never thought of letting go or moving on as an option for my failed relationship. I thought my relationship was never going to end, a fairytale come true. It felt like everything was going the way we wanted. We even planned our future together, believing that we were meant to be in that relationship. The sweet promises of forever, an everlasting love, we had it all. We spent almost two years together, everything was going well until one day she wanted a different life, a life that I am not part of.
Minutes were like hours, days were like months, and months were like years. The cycle was too tiring; I kept on crying, wishing and regretting. It was like I will never move on. It was just too hard, because I had built a world around this person. How can I just move on when I was still in love with her…? I just can’t move.
Why it was hard for me to let go
I fought a painful reality because I could not see myself being with another person, or her with another person. It was just hard to accept but it was inevitable. I tried pursuing her, tried all methods of persuasion, and prayed hard. I did everything that I could do, but she was never coming back. It left me so broken; I felt that I was trapped in the pain of defeat.
No matter how we enrich ourselves, we always feel that we are at a loss, thoughts of that person hang into our mind, dragging us into an abyss full of pain, regret and sometimes self-pity. We become so helpless, we just can’t let go of the fact that he/she is gone, we still want to hold on so much, but we find ourselves alone.
I am not a stranger to pain and to loss, but even with my deep experience I never found an easy way to let go. We love passionately, that when we lose, we become stuck. It is normal to feel this way, the feeling of wanting to hold on to that relationship, to that person, believing so much that things could still work out, or that person will still come back to us and pick us out from the pains of loneliness and heartbreak. But later on we realize he or she is never coming back.
What it takes to let go
Let Go! We have heard this so much, but we simply can’t, we just can’t… or can we? It takes a lot of courage, time and confidence. Courage, to stand and try to live life again. Time, to patiently wait and allow it to make all the hurt go away. Confidence, to believe in ourselves and know that we can be happy again.
What inspired me to move on
It was the fear of letting life go that sparked me the courage to look forward, to try and stand up with my weary legs. I was afraid that if I was too stuck in that moment, life will pass me by and end up miserable. I will not be a spectator of life, rather I will live life.
Most of us see the hardship of letting go as an escape to face life, as an excuse to give up. The champions of our lives are those who strive to live, to move on. We tend to forget that the hardest thing to do is live, at the same time it is the very reason that gives meaning to our being.
We need to live life, we will not try, and we cannot try. “Trying” to live a life is disrespectful to life itself, we don’t try, we will live life. Living demands us to live through the hardship. We can live life through all the pains, hardships because in the end it will help define the beauty of the life we had lived.
Let go, let go and let go. Release that emotional baggage and believe in life the way it believes in you. In this respect, we should realize that people are not under our control, we don’t control how they feel. They don’t owe us anything, nor do we owe them something. We owe life to ourselves, our happiness to our being. If we try to accept that we can’t control other people but only ourselves, maybe we will learn to let go, slowly, sincerely. We all are given the right to live, so exercise that right, get out and celebrate the beauty that is life.
Let go, let God
Life will always be meaningful, no matter how depressing life maybe. Letting go is just one of those struggles that we have to face. Be moved by people who have had the courage to move, to let go. If we find the pain to be too much, He is always there, just hang on a little longer. Remember that the best tip on letting go is praying to Him. No matter how harsh life is, He will always be there and will never let us go…
He will heal everything in His time. We just have to make that surrender and have that security in Him. Because in the end, the best solution is His love for us not the methods we read or the tips that we are advised to follow.
Share me your thoughts…
- What was your experience?
- How did you let go?
- What inspired you to move on?
- How is your life now?
Hi, I’m kelsey, maybe you can help me.. I am in a great loving relationship with a really great guy, we’ve been going out for almost 2 years, we are soon both moving away, from each other to go to school. We are pretty sure that breaking up is the best option. How do you let go of a relationship that isn’t really a “failing” relationship? How do you move on from loving that person, and knowing they feel the same way?
Hi Kelsey.. Sorry for the late reply. Why not opt for a long distance relationship? You can try it, it just might work out if you really believe that your relationship is great. It can be an option, but if you have weighed things and breaking up is the best choice, then it is really up to you. It will be very hard simply because you both know that you are separating for distance alone and no other issues, and the worst part is, your still in love with each other so much.
If you really choose to break up, then be responsible enough for your decisions, hang tough and try to withstand the pain no matter what, coz I honestly think that it is a thousand times harder than letting go of someone who has left because they dont feel the same way about you anymore.
Think about this a thousand times, and if you do feel that it is the right decision, then eventually everything will be okay in time.
I’m Jason and I’m going through the same thing you described above. I have been through two failed relationships that were both serious; one engagement, and one marriage. Somehow, I managed to be the catalyst for the breakdown and destruction of both relationships. It took me a few months to get over my ex-fiance, but only because I met someone new. My ex-wife, however, is a different story. I am stuck in that state of self pity, self loathing, pain, and regret. While my wife and I are only separated, our marriage has degraded to “just friends”, though I want so much more than that. The only inspiration I have is to regain control of my life and move certain points forward…but the hardest part for me, is letting go of my love for my wife. My heart still belongs to her, so I know how you felt when you were faced with the dilemma of moving on…and it isn’t easy to do. It’s been six months and it hurts just as much now, as it did the day I had to say goodbye to my wife and kids. My inspiration to move on comes from y daughter, who lives with my parents for the time being. I need to be there for her if I can’t be there for the rest of my family, and as long as I have her back in my life, I will be ok. I may never fully let go of my wife, but I will find some modicum of happiness once I have my life back on track. But in terms of my wife…I’m at a loss
It seems so much harder in your case, but it greatly helps to have those little inspirations to try and move on. No matter how strong you are emotionally things like these just smash you to the ground, there are no preparations for this kind of hurting, no matter how experienced you are with relationships… hopefully time will heal all wounds…
I can relate to everything you said. I used to be friends with this woman for three years, she was a good friend of mine. We used to talk for hours about everything and anything. We knew our likes and dislikes. I fell in love with her eventually, I lived far away from her as well, for school purposes. I drove 300 miles one day to see her, to a city I never been too, I told her I like her. I gave her sentimental items, and wrote poetry that would make almost any girl melt. After doing so she changed, she left, and did not talk to me for the rest of the time I was in her city. She wouldnt pick up my calls or my emails, eventually she said she only considered me as a friend. She said Bye to me, and not a word more. I never understood how such a good friend came to an end, because I cared for her more than just a friend. It was a painfull experience, because I did not recieve any consolation from her on why she didnt like me, she just said I only considered you as a friend and stopped short of anything else.
The first few weeks was devastating for me, I isolated myself from the world, I was hurt, and i went through the state of depression, lonliness, hopelessness, loss of apetite, and then eventually to hating her for what she did to me. I came to terms with that as well, and I dont hate her anymore, I remember the good times we had and I will remember her though those memories.
As far as coping goes, I realized talking about it really helped me, furthermore, Life was passing me by and I was losing in the game of Life, I was missing deadlines for work, responsibilites, I got out of a rut, and decided for myself, that she is a distant memory and I need to make a better future for myself, I deserve a better future.
Thanks for sharing your experience, we very much appreciate it here. I believe that you have somehow survived this experience. You are one of the lucky ones to have seen the light through what seem to be one of your darkest moments in life, most of us never go over this hump. It is definitely one of the most painful experiences that one has to go on through life, but like in everything else, there is always hope. May your story be an inspiration for those who feel hopeless, that letting go’s first step is taking control. We have control over our happiness, let us make it a choice to be happy by standing up, and letting go of the things that aren’t meant for us.
Thanks buddy,
Thanks for all the wonderful stuffs up ther.. Most of it hits me right…
Here is my story. A year and a half ago i was with a guy for almost three years. He was my first love and still to this day going on 2 yrs later im not over him. We got into some trouble and he moved from ohio to his hometown in jeresy to start our lives right and get me out of ohio. I listened to my family and friends and dated while he was in jersey. Long story short he made me very upset one day i told him that i was dating because i wasn’t sure if i wanted to leave everything behind to move out of state and it was over like that. He never talked to me again. All i ever asked from him was to give me a little more. In almost three years he never told me he loved me, he wouldn’t move in with me. As soon as we broke up he met some girl, moved in with her, and she is 21 weeks pregnant today with a boy. I think it hurt me most of all because i got pregnant when i was with him and he asked me not to have the baby because we weren’t ready financially, mentally, and emotionally. I didn’t go thru with my pregnancy and its something that i regret to this day 2 yrs later. I wish i could take it back and i never can. I hurt everyday, i still cry myself to sleep. I think about him a little less everyday but dating for me is not an option. For the awhile after we broke up i serial dated, trying to fill this void i had from louis and i come to realise i can never replace him and until im over him i can’t be with anyone. i have to stay focused on myself. All he ever wanted was for me to be independent and not as childish… something that i didnt realise i was back two yrs ago. I have changed so much i went back to college, i have my own home, a great job and i did it all by myself and i know he would be so proud of the women that i have become, but he is in jersey and im in ohio. He has moved on and im still hurting so bad. About a month ago i recieved an emial from him the first time i talked to him in over a year. he told me that he was happy to see i have changed and that he was sorry for hurting me so bad. He also told me that he was in denial but he honestly thinks about me everyday. He said that no matter who i am with or who he is with we will meet up one day and catch me. I just dont know how to deal with all of this. I cried like someone had died when i read that letter. And now im right back to hurting when i had come so far….
I would just like to take the time to tell everyone out there how does it feel to be really loved and when you love someone who is 27 years old and have a 51 year woman chase after her. Having my sweetheart in high school was the greatest thing that ever happened to me, I loved that girl so much and after my mother decided that it was not good for us to be together because she was over weight how does that make you feel? Well, let me tell you I have not been the same since and thanks to her that’s what happens.
It is just difficult to let go of someone that you have learned to love through the years, even now it has been more than a year, I am still hurting and constantly thinking of how would it have been if we are still together now. I miss her so much, I just wish everything would be the way it was years before… it is indeed true that sometimes, you wouldn’t know how much it means to you until you lose it…
I was best friends with this guy. He was funny and passionate and I helped him through all the hard parts. He broke up with his girlfriend and I helped him through that to. After about two months of his break-up we started flirting and talking affectionately. One day we came “us” and I was as happy as I’d ever been. He was the one, and he even knew it to. He said he’d never felt this way about anyone before. It thrilled me because that’s how I felt to. But we were having problems so we broke up and I was devastated, and so was he so we got back together. That happened about 5 times. Each time we kept getting back together he kept getting moodier and moodier. We talked and realized it just wasn’t going to work out anymore. He said he loved me and he always will, no matter what. And I loved him back and still do. We hardly talk anymore. It kills me each day because I was so dependent on him and I’m a very independent kind of person. He wasn’t very good to me and my friends and family tell me he was a Casanova. He WAS super moody. My life just feels so empty now, like it did before I met him but now the pain is worse because I knew that I loved him. I just… don’t know what to do.
The un-attaching will always be the hardest part, being glued to the idea that you “used to do this and that” with him is something that will not go away overnight. It will really take some time, most of the times, too much time that we start to miss out other important things in our life. My letting go of that someone that I used to love took much time from me, it took away time from other people that I usually hanged out with. It is a difficult and painful process, it is something that will always feel like the first time eventhough you have done it more than once.
Battling out with the feeling of emptiness is really hard, you have to face in everyday, there are times that you just want to stay in bed and not think of ” oh yeah, he/she is really gone.” It’s hard and will always be hard, but just believe that brighter days will soon come no matter how long the waiting may be, it will come… ü