All about Love, Life, Relationships

A perfect love could end up in a garbage can in a matter of seconds. More often than not; these so called happily ever after can end up as nightmares that would echo throughout our lives.

Many of us have suffered broken hearts, but we still don’t understand why it takes a long time to heal.

Here are a list of some common coping mechanisms used to at least ease the pain and, not long after, move on.

Coping mechanisms

1. Our circle of friends and their so called “Words of Wisdom.”

We call our friends and share with them the tale of our broken heart. Estranged with the situation, we often hear amazing words of wisdom like,

• “When God closes the door He will open a window”,
• “There are still plenty of fish in the sea”,
• or “If it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be”.

Your biggest friend is yourself

Sometimes I am the one with the broken heart, sometimes the crying shoulder, and yes, they really do help you survive those horrible hours.

But sometimes, we really rely too much on our friends that their absence would only make us weaker. They can’t be available for us 24/7 because they have their lives too.

Their words of wisdom mean a lot, but at this point, our own wisdom is out of sight. It is just so hard to see through pain. Maybe if we say it to ourselves a million times, we may really start believing that these words of wisdom are indeed true.

Friends do help you survive those horrible hours, but most of the time your biggest friend is yourself, the one you have to be with the whole time. A little push from your inner voice can help you alleviate the pain

2. Vices, vices and vices.

We end up in bars, casinos or what have you. We tend to believe that this kind of bliss would take away the pain, help us cope with the hurting and take us through the night.

We splurge in gambling, the adrenaline will take us off hurting but then again, sometimes it adds more to the pain. We spend hours doing these so that time will pass by and will hardly notice it, hoping that through these vices we will eventually forget the painful emotion and go back to our lives.

These are superficial

Beer serves as a depressant, and the more it will drag you down. You only end up making your life more difficult, enveloping yourself with more pain and discontentment.

Alcohol does help us sleep, but too much of it will do us more harm than we are already experiencing, worst part is we end up doing things that will further jeopardize our condition.

They do sometimes take away the pain, but believe me, it is just superficial, tackling with a heartache demands a sober you, help yourself by not drowning yourself with these temporary solutions.

3. Keeping yourself busy with activities

Keeping yourself busy with sports, work, outreach and other recreational activities to help you pass the time and make you forget the pain for that moment. It helps you keep your mind away from the hurting. 

Choose activities you enjoy doing

This is a very healthy coping mechanism. Time is a key ingredient in mending hearts. By doing different activities, we unconsciously pass time and distract ourselves from the pain.

4. Isolation

We wallow in our bedroom, weeping for the lost love, spend hours, days, weeks, or months. Yes it is very much comforting when we release all these outbursts, all these pains.

We arrive at a certain state of comfort feeling much lighter after shedding some tears and some reflecting. We start thinking of things like why we are not compatible, why we are not meant to be, and then we end up hating, regretting that we had to know this person, then from hating we end up wishing hoping, wanting to be loved again.

It has its pros and cons

It’s really dependent on one’s coping ability. For some, reflecting does help. Isolation calms the mind and most of all the heart.

There are also times that isolation becomes hurtful than. It reminds us more of the ones we have loved so dearly. In the end, it will depend on how we will use this time for ourselves, on what are focus we will be.

The Great Conclusion

The heart has a mind of its own and is difficult to rationalize with. Pain is inevitable, no matter how strong we believe we are; getting a broken heart is all too common.

It takes time and patience to heal a broken heart. No matter what the medium is, healing is time consuming and very stressful. We have to hang on to ourselves, believe that through these dark moments, there is still a string of hope that will eventually help us out. We have to believe in ourselves, because if we don’t then no one else will. This is a journey that will measure our heart’s strength.

I am no genius in surviving heartbreaks. I even came to the thought that I wanted to give up on life because it was so unbearable, but I simply could not, because life is too precious to waste.

Life will be better, hearts will heal

Because I hanged on, I reaped rewards that I never imagined that I would have. Loving is indeed hoping, when love ends, hope ends.

When we are suffering, people would advice us to stop hoping, but the problem is not hoping, it is loving. We are all weak when it comes to love, but it doesn’t give us an excuse to not fight, to strive for a better life, to end the pain and smile again.

Remember that heartbreaks are not a reason to quit life but rather a challenge to make it better, to make it mean more. Loving relationships come and go, and if blessed, last through a lifetime. All things will get better, just last longer, moments will never decide our fate, but it is how we act in these moments that will define our lives.

Helpful quotes

• “God can heal a broken heart, but He has to have all the pieces.” – Anonymous
• “We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” – Kenji Miyazawa
• “Pain is inevitable.  Suffering is optional.” – M. Kathleen Casey