Aging Gracefully
“I have seen many people grow old, but not graciously. Their eyes reflect pain and disillusionment. They have been beaten by life; they have so many broken dreams. The hope and expectations of youth have vanished – only death awaits.”
Chin-Ning Chu
Thick Face, Black Heart
For most old people who have allowed life to pass them by without lifting a hand to fend off failure and defeat, Chin-Ning Chu’s statements may be true. But the above lines definitely do not speak of my grandfather, Antonio. Last week, he turned 96. Four more years and he would have lived a century – an amazing feat in this day and age. What is more remarkable about this milestone, however, is that it marks not just the passage of time but also the celebration of one man’s triumph over life’s battles. His is an inspiring life story worthy of telling. He has much to teach as a child, as a parent, a partner and as a grandparent.
Antonio was born into a poor family. He is the 3rd among six children. The death of his father when Antonio was 16 shifted the responsibility for his family’s welfare and survival onto young Antonio’s shoulders, preventing him from finishing an education beyond the elementary level. But despite his limited years at school, Antonio is a voracious reader and speaks both Spanish and English fluently. Among his family and friends, his wit, intelligence and wisdom are legendary.
Because he had to take care of his family first before he could build his own life, Antonio married late. He was all of 30 when he took my grandmother, Antonia, as his bride. To make ends meet, he went into farming and put up a sari-sari store that my grandmother managed. Between themselves, they managed a feat that was almost an impossibility given their circumstances then. Together, they succeeded in putting all their six children through school, turning them into accomplished professionals: two school teachers, a pilot, a banker, a dentist, and a nurse. This they achieved despite several mishaps, the most damaging of which was the burning of their store that had flourished into the town’s biggest grocery store. The fire wiped out almost everything they had saved and acquired over the years, leaving them with only a few items they were able to salvage and a house next to the store that, believe it or not, they purchased just a day before the fire. Apparently, an Unseen Hand still guided them even in the worst of circumstances.
Antonio was a loving and attentive husband until Antonia died due to cerebral hemorrhage in 1988. One afternoon, they found her lying in the garden, bleeding. She hit her head on a stone while she was out trying to pick some guavas. Nobody noticed her absence until it was too late. He never remarried, nor was he ever the same after. Yet, although his loss was so great, he continued to tend to the farm and to do what he could to keep himself busy. Since her death though, he has been looking forward to the day when he will finally be reunited with her. These past years, that desire has grown stronger. Already, he seems to be getting increasingly impatient with Death’s delay, often saying that there isn’t anything left for him to do.
When asked about the secret of his longevity, Antonio has a very simple answer: clean living and a disciplined lifestyle. That is why, despite his very advanced age, he is still up and about. Except for his BP maintenance medicines and a steadily failing eyesight, he is relatively free of ailments. Many fail to guess his right age because he looks younger than his years. When teased however, about living to be a hundred, he would almost always vehemently insist that that’s too long a time for him to still be around. He has done all that he wanted to. Now, he just wants to rejoin his wife, Antonia.
Clearly, Antonio has lived a full life and it is a life that has much to teach. It teaches us that in the end, the basics still matter – like clean living and a disciplined lifestyle. In the end, persistence and determination still wins the day. In the end, it’s not what you have that determines where you will wind up in life, but what you do with what you have. Indeed, circumstances do not make the man. Man shapes his own world by the way he responds to the circumstances he finds himself in. And how wonderfully Antonio has shaped his.