Where the Grass is Greener
After almost 3 years of working as a nurse in the Big Apple, my sister is home for a much-needed break. Since January, she had been counting the days until she’d get home. Finally, she is.
Before my sister and her family moved to the US, I was among those decrying the brain drain resulting from the mass exodus of Filipinos to other countries. I viewed the search for greener pastures by many Filipinos as not only unpatriotic and selfish but proof of an unholy attachment to materialism. For so long, I questioned their values and concluded that they possess a mistaken sense of priorities.
Compounding my ignorance was this image I held of Filipino overseas workers, especially those in the US, as living in the lap of luxury. I assumed they had more money than they knew what to do with. I imagined them living “the Good Life” – vacationing in exotic spots every so often or whenever the fancy strikes them, splurging on anything and everything they wanted. Believing that they had all the fun, I felt we who stayed behind deserved to receive all the dollars they send and the goodies they ship home. However, if truth were told, I guess underneath my sarcasm and condescension was probably envy. Secretly, I also dreamed of a life of financial freedom but I wanted that life without having to leave home and without appearing unpatriotic, self-centered or materialistic.
My views drastically changed when my sister started working abroad. My vision cleared even more when I saw firsthand, during a brief visit to my sister’s place in the US, exactly what Filipinos go through abroad. Yes, they had money but not until they had broken their backs earning it. Yes, they could send us balikbayan boxes filled with the goodies our hearts desired. But not after they have labored for every penny spent on every whim we demanded they satisfy. Yes, they could travel, but not after they have slaved for and saved every single “paid time off.” Realizing all these, I understand better now why my former high school classmate repeatedly tells me that the moment she comes home, she’ll head straight to a leading TV network and debunk the myth about the great American Dream. She vows to shatter the illusion that life in the US is the rosy, perfect, easy life that we’ve all been led to believe for so long. Rather, like what I saw with my own eyes and what I hear my friend repeatedly say, the American Dream is a life fashioned out of backbreaking toil where you have to do everything yourself – job and house chores combined. It is a life carved out of nights spent crying or unable to sleep out of sheer loneliness, disillusionment, homesickness, and even self-pity.
That trip was both an eye-opener and a humbling experience for me. Now I have a deeper respect for most overseas Filipino workers knowing that their search for greener pastures is not necessarily fuelled by self-centeredness or materialism. For most, it is the result of a sincere desire for a better future for their families – even if, for the moment, that future seems to be founded or centered on economic well-being. For others, it springs from the wish to leave life with fewer regrets, “what-if’s” and “if only’s.” And even if their search were indeed prompted by materialism, who are we to question them? They are paying such a high price for making those dreams come true.
That is why these days, every time my sister and her family give me something, I see beyond the gift. So humbled am I by the enormous sacrifice behind it and most of all, the love, that I treasure these gifts as I never have before. Now, I look up to my sister as my hero: she followed her North Star regardless of the price. Between us, hers was the more difficult choice because she had to give up so much – the people she loves, the home she is so attached to and everything that is comforting and familiar – just to find her own place in the sun. And while I am not certain that she has found the grass greener where she is now, that is no longer what matters most to me. What does is her courage to chase after her dreams, make them come true, and find her own patch of green with no excuses and no apologies. I hope I, too, can do the same one day soon.